Most of my life I have been pretty bad with women, but in the last 12 months I have started to make major progress in picking up women, and I am understanding the dynamics between men and women in a much better way.
In the past it was extremely difficult for me to start up a conversation with a beautiful woman, or to even get a date with a woman I was attracted to. But in the last 12 months, I have managed to get dates with a number of beautiful women, and to engage in deep conversations with them. These have not been women I met through friends, but they have been strangers who I randomly met in the city. I didn’t meet them randomly though, I engineered the meetings through conversation and engagement. I went from a guy who rarely met a beautiful woman, to a guy who was meeting one or two of them per day. I am going to try to share some of my insights into this personal development with you folks. This is not just meant for men who want to pick up chicks. This is about finding: love, passion and personal fulfillment for both sexes. Whether your a man or woman, I believe that if you read this article, its going to help you find love and passion in your life. I also believe its going to prepare you to meet the love(s) of your life.
Over a year ago I realized I had a serious problem in my life. I was not a very social person and rarely went on a date with a woman. I was approaching my mid thirties and the last time I went on a date was years ago… and I just wasn’t a social person. I found it difficult to meet new people. I had never experienced love with a beautiful woman nor did I really understand the concept of love, and it had been years since I had sex. I was isolated from society and spent a lot of time on the computer, or wandering the city streets as I watched life pass me by. I would see incredibly beautiful women walk past me in the city and I would think: “she seems really beautiful,” “I wonder what her interests and passions in life are”, “I would really like to get to know her,” “I wish I could talk to her.” However as I watched her beautiful figure walk past me and into the distance, she would become one of the many faces that I longed to get to know. These women became beautiful strangers to me that I would never know, but how could I get to know them? How could I get a chance to become a friend to them? The reality was I had no idea. I was an isolated guy with no social skills who was in many ways isolated from society. I had previously lived in another city for many years and was in a new city. I had little to no friends where I was living and I was just isolated, and I spent most of my time on the computer involved in coding or IT related projects. I decided that I needed professional help because had no idea on how to meet women.
I started looking into the professional dating/pickup community and discovered a number of professional pick up artists. Even though I sought advice from professionals who primarily seek to meet women for sex, my motive is not sex per say. I am looking for lasting/meaningful relationships that would eventually lead to sex, and I am looking to experience passion and love. Sex is not my primary motive, and I think sex on its own can be an empty experience if there’s no love or passion there. Even veteran pick up experts (confessed to have slept with over 100 women), have admitted that random sex with so many women eventually became an empty experience with no meaning. Most professional pick up artists eventually leave the playboy lifestyle, and use their pick up skills to meet one woman they can marry. Many of these pick up artists end up marrying beautiful and intelligent women, because they have the social skills to target a woman of their choosing. You may be the nicest guy in the world, but if you don’t have the social skills to approach and initiate a relationship with anyone, it’s going to be difficult for you to meet the woman your interested in. I was starting at square one, I just wanted to actually meet some of these beautiful women.
I started taking advice from professional pick up artists and dating experts, and I implemented various pieces of advice with varying results. I did do a number of dating/pick up courses (mainly online ones) and they were helpful. The guy running one of the dating courses had picked up over 200 women who he met on the street. Whether you like the guy or not, or agree with everything he has done, he definitely has a lot of experience with women and he knows how to get a date! After sleeping with over 200 women, this particular pick up artist is now settled down and married to a lovely and beautiful woman.
After doing this particular pick up artists course, I started implementing advice, and I immediately started meeting beautiful women. I have always been the passive guy. If I saw a beautiful woman at the shops, I would stand there hoping a conversation would occur between us. The reality is, a conversation would never just happen, I would have to make it happen. My pick up artist mentor, taught me that unless you approach and initiate conversation, you will never talk to that girl and get to know her. You need to learn how to directly approach women, and initiate a conversation in order to be successful with women. You also need to realize that nothing is going to happen by chance, you will need to make it happen.
I think dating and meeting women is like any skill, if you want to get good at it, you need to: educate yourself, prepare yourself, set goals and get experience. I think once you set the foundation through education and experience, you start to notice the peculiar behaviour of women, and you start understanding hidden things about men and women you never knew before.
My First Steps
My first step was to actually talk to those beautiful women who walked past me in the city. My dating coach advised me to start practicing talking to strangers to prepare my mind to talk to strangers. My coach advised me to approach various women in the city and ask things like, “excuse me, do you have the time?” “Excuse me, do you know where a certain street is?” No other conversation was initiated. These exercises were just implemented to condition my mind that conversation with beautiful women was perfectly normal. This exercise was just preparing me. I would approach beautiful women in the city and ask, “excuse me, do you know if the train stop is ahead?” Once she answered, I would reply, “Thanks very much. You have a lovely day.” She would then look at me and smile. I would then go on my way. Its intriguing how one small question can turn a beautiful stranger into a conversation and a smile. From the perspective of an isolated loner, this was a massive step for me. My journey was just beginning.
My second steps involved taking my conversation with women to another level. I made an effort each day to tell at least one woman in the city she looked beautiful. I actually found it to be a rewarding experience. It really gave me the opportunity to bring positive energy into society. This exercise did bring mixed results, many times I would get a positive response or expression from a woman, other times women would look at me like I was a dangerous serial killer. The key is to keep it positive, and to realize that your going to have a few women out there that are going to be challenging. Don’t let one bad reaction stop you from pursuing the good reactions. Not every woman out there is for you, but in order to find the right one(s), your going to have to meet the ones not for you to get there. I remember approaching a very beautiful Chinese woman in the city, and I told her she was very beautiful, and we got into a conversation about how she was from China and she was enjoying living in Australia. Our initial meeting and conversation was full of positive energy, and her reaction to my compliment of her was equally positive. These are the meetings your seeking; meetings that are full of positive energy. On the other side of the coin, I remember approaching a young woman at a train station and I said, “I’m sorry for staring but I think you look very beautiful today.” She looked at me in shock and with tremendous negative energy, and I immediately knew that the door was closed with this girl, and I just politely said, “you have a great day and see you later.” Meeting new women is like knocking on doors, some doors will be closed but others will open into a blossoming conversation. Its impossible for us to fully understand a womans background when we are approaching strangers. Some women may have known a friend or relative that was raped and strange men repel them, others may be very guarded, some may not like meeting new people, and others may have had bad experiences with men. If your a positive person who only seeks to meet people for positive experiences, just be confident in who you are and that you have nothing to be ashamed of.
Looks Do Matter
After I started getting dating advice, I started adjusting my diet and began losing a lot of weight. I lost around 20 kilograms in around 6 months. I went from 95kg to around 75kilograms and I noticed women’s behavior around me changed. I was in my mid 30’s with a baby face and athletic build. Objectively studying my appearance, I looked pretty good, probably the best I had looked in years. When I went into the city, I made it a point to dress neat. It has been summer, so I would wear a decent pair of shorts, and a Versace type v-neck short sleeve shirt. I would also wear a nice gold watch with a brown leather strap with a pair of new looking sneakers. I also avoided black shirts, as I noticed my conversations with women went better if I was wearing a non-black shirt. Now that I had lost weight and probably looked a lot more handsome, the women did not initiate conversation with me, but I noticed them positioning themselves to be picked up by me. Today I actually had a girl following me around the shopping center and she was really pretty too. Other times I would be standing on the street, and a woman would make it a point to stand right next to me. When I initiated conversation with these women, they became very involved in the conversation and started asking questions about my life, and before I knew it I was in a deep and meaningful conversation. But despite looking very athletic, model like and even in my 20’s (despite being in my mid-thirties) I had to make the effort and initiate the encounter. Even if your a handsome looking male model, your going to have to initiate conversation and take the lead in any male/female relationship. Women throwing themselves at you is a myth. You may have women following you around or looking at you, or standing in close proximity hoping you will talk to them, but they will rarely (if ever) initiate a conversation with you. As a male, you will have to: initiate the conversation, lead the conversation, and lead the exchange of contact details to close the deal. Nothing comes easy even if you look like Brad Pitt. But if you do take care of your appearance, things will become easier and you will notice the body language of women around you change (women making eye contact with you, women standing next to you and getting close, women smiling at you or even following you around). If you can successfully read female body language at this point, you will have a very good chance at meeting the girl of your dreams. Remember, if a girl: makes an effort to stand in close proximity to you, makes eye contact with you, smiles at you or follows you around, there’s a very good chance she is interested in you. However she is not going to just place a dog collar around your neck and take you home, you will have to initiate conversation with her and close the deal. Whenever you have women demonstrating the above body language, initiate a conversation immediately with them. This is your big chance. Ask them anything. You can ask: “You look familiar, have we met?” “Do you know if there’s a Starbucks coffee shop around here?… by the way, what brings you to the shops today?” If the woman’s body language is genuine and she is attracted to you, she will most likely flow with the conversation and allow you to ask all kinds of probing questions. She will even help you as you lead into exchanging contact information because she wants it as well. These are the girls your looking for, because its these sorts of relationships that are going to be powerful.
The two best meetings with girls I ever had, I was wearing a deep blue shirt and a gold watch. Blue is a friendly and positive color, and a gold watch resembles success. I remember I met an extremely beautiful blonde who was easily a 10 on the street, when I was wearing that blue shirt and a gold watch. I also met another beautiful woman at midnight on the street in the city in that same outfit, and we ended up going out for a coffee together that night! I think I have been so successful with women wearing that shirt and watch, because the blue shirt is full of positive energy and is a friendly color. First impressions are everything. I don’t think I would have had as much success with those women if I was wearing black. If your dressed in black, it doesn’t give the best first impression and a woman can be unsure about you. Why is he dressed in black? Is he a gang member? Is he dressing in black because he’s angry or depressed? Does he hate the world? Is he a risk? If you want to meet women, I would advise dressing in beautiful colors, but don’t go to over the top or too bright (you want to maintain your masculinity). A deep blue or a deep green short sleeved designer shirt would be perfect in summer. I usually walk the city streets in the evening on a Friday or Saturday night to meet women (many women are out these nights), and in this environment; you want to come across as a: friendly, positive and approachable guy. Wearing deep beautiful colors achieves this perception.
Learn to read female body language. If your in a public space and a woman gets close to you, she is trying to tell you that she is interested in you and attracted to you. Its these types of women you want to pursue. Most often, she will not initiate conversation, you will need to initiate conversation. But if she is getting close to you in a public space and hanging around; she is interested. Just today, a young woman in her early 20’s was following me around a shopping center. She was definitely interested in me, but unfortunately I had a freeze up and did not act on her body language. Sometimes a freeze up occurs and I fail to act. Sometimes you just have to count your failures along with your successes. Yes, I have met some beautiful women and gone on some dates, but I have also failed miserably like what happened today. I should have made conversation with the girl following me around today, because she was really beautiful and it was obvious she was following me around. Looking back on my failure, even though I froze up, I should have just initiated any conversation by saying, “excuse me, do you have the time… by the way, you look very beautiful today.. what are you up to today? Do you feel like getting a coffee?” After evaluating that girls body language, I’m sure she would have had a coffee with me. There’s no use crying about the loss I had with her, she is gone for now and there’s little chance I’ll see her again. But I can learn from the experience and mistake. Whenever you have the slightest perception a girl could be interested in you, just approach her and ask her anything. Ask her what the time is, or ask her if she knows if there’s a coffee shop around somewhere. Make contact in some way so you can feel out the situation.
Take advantage of eye contact. Its possible a woman is telling you with her eyes that she is interested in you. If your standing on the street or in a shop and you make eye contact with a beautiful woman, approach her and say, “I noticed we made eye contact, have we met before you look familiar?” She will probably say no, and you might say, “I guess not, your really beautiful, I would have remembered for sure… whats your name by the way? What are you doing in the city today” And just let the conversation flow at this point. Eye contact and body language (a woman following you around or getting very close to you in public) are two genuine signs a woman is interested in you. I remember I was at a train station and I made eye contact with a young beautiful woman. I approached this woman and said to her, “I noticed we made eye contact, have we met at one of the local bars before?” After this initial line and some exchange of conversation, I told her she looked really beautiful and we had a friendly conversation. The conversation and entire encounter was extremely positive. The initial eye contact was a sign that we both shared the same positive energy, so I guess our conversation was destined for success and mutual understanding. Positive eye contact can certainly be a foundation for a positive conversation. At one point I only complimented women who I made eye contact with, and all those encounters were positive. Eye contact generally means a girl has a friendly perspective toward you at least, or there’s a serious chance she has romantic or sexual attraction toward you. Worst case scenario in a eye contact situation is that you will most likely make a new friend, so its definitely worth an approach and conversation.
Throw Out your Corny Pick Up Lines
Corny pick up lines don’t really work. I’ve tried slick pick up lines a number of times and they don’t have a positive effect. I would approach a girl in the city and say something like, “Excuse me, but you nearly made me fall over just now because your so beautiful.” The girl reacted somewhat embarrassed and even a little shocked, and the one liner didn’t lead to meaningful conversation. These sort of dramatic overly engineered corny pick scenarios do not seem to work. You want to make an initial meeting with a woman seem organic and natural even if you did engineer it. If the meeting seems natural and organic, the girl is going to feel at ease and comfortable with you, as it will seem like the universe has engineered this divine encounter. An example of this is when I met a girl at a bus stop who was easily a 10/10. I observed this girl and thought, “she is absolutely stunning and I have got to talk to her.” She was standing next to me and I just said, “do you know if the bus is delayed, I heard there might have been an accident?” She said she wasn’t sure and we exchanged some conversation about bus routes etc. I then noticed she had an accent and I said to her, “I notice you have an accent, where are you from?” She went onto state that she was from Europe and then we got into a really long and deep conversation, she started asking questions about myself and family and before I knew it I had made a new friend. There was definitely chemistry between myself and this girl, and once you reach a point where theres chemistry and flowing conversation, there’s a very high chance that girl is going to let you into her life on a deeper level.
Organic Pick Ups Will Bring You Success
I used to be a boxer and an assistant boxing coach in the past. I grew up in the boxing gym. The first punch you learn in boxing is called a jab. A jab is the weakest of all the punches and is generally thrown with your left arm (if your orthodox). You use a jab to throw your opponent off balance so you can set him up for harder punches and combinations, a jab is also used to keep your opponent on their toes and off balance. But a jab is mainly used to get past the guard of your opponent and to create an opening. In the pick up world, your jab is an organic pick up line. An organic pick up line is not designed to make you immediately pick up a girl, but like the left jab, it is designed to create an opening, and to get you past the guard of a girl who sees you as a stranger.
An example of an organic pick up line is, “do you know what the time is?” Once the girl gives you the time, you might reply, “thanks for helping me out you seem like a sweet girl, you have a beautiful smile by the way. What are you doing today? Out shopping?”
I have set the girl up with my jab (do you have the time?), then I have followed up my jab with a combination of punches (“you seem like a sweet girl,” “I notice you have an accent, where are you originally from?”). When I follow up on my jab by saying, “you have a beautiful smile,” I am basically throwing a hard straight right punch at her, and that particular punch is going to get her very off balance and stun her. Getting a victory with her would involve an exchange of contact details or an instant date. You could win the battle by saying, “I was going to go and grab a coffee over there, would you like to join me?” Or “I’d really like to get to know you more, can I get your phone number or facebook? Maybe we can hang out some time?” Your invitation for an instant date or exchange of contact details is your knock out punch. If she agrees to one of these requests you have been victorious.
Walking up to a girl and saying something like, “hey sexy, you look hot, I would love to take you on a date, can I have your phone number?” does not really work and I have tried these methods. You need to work your way into a woman’s life in steps. Start crawling your way into her life slowly with innocent comments and remarks, and work your way up to more relational questions and comments.
A Proven Manufactured Scenario
After approaching countless women on the city streets I did discover an approach that did bring me results. Usually I go into the city on a Friday or Saturday night and I walk the streets in search of women. When in this environment, I used a number of approaches and discovered what worked and what didn’t work. As stated above, corny pick up lines don’t work. But I discovered a scenario that did work… If I saw a woman I liked, I would walk near her, and I would pretend I was on my mobile phone to a friend. I would talk into my phone and say, “Where are you guys? You guys drink too much. Maybe I will meet you guys later on.” I would then hang up the phone and turn to the beautiful woman and say, “excuse me, do you know where a particular street is?” When I used this scenario with a beautiful French woman she reacted to me very positive, because she had been listening to my phone conversation, and knew that I was concerned about friends who drank too much. Her initial perception of me was that I was a responsible person who didn’t drink too much. Even though we had never talked, she had been listening to some of my conversation on the phone and considered me a decent guy. After answering my questions about street locations, I started asking her if she was from France, and she proceeded to tell me she lived in the mountains in the French alps. I asked her about the places she had traveled and where she liked to visit most. Before I knew it she stretched out her hand and she shook hands with me, and told me what her name was. This was an invitation to become a friend and she no longer wanted to be a stranger in my life. Organic pick up works and you can turn a total stranger into a friend in minutes. An organic pick up makes the meeting with a woman seem natural, and it slowly builds up into bolder questions and comments.
Lost Women are a Gold Mine
Keep an eye out for beautiful women who need directions. If you see one or two beautiful women who look lost, immediately approach them and ask, “you look lost, I live in the area, can I help you?” I have met a large number of beautiful women with this method. Just yesterday, I met two beautiful girls from the Middle East who were backpacking around Australia. These girls were walking around with a map looking at street signs. I immediately walked over to them and offered to help them. After helping them with directions, we immediately became friends as we exchanged conversation and it was a very easy pickup. These are the scenarios you want to get involved in. You always want to be on the lookout for openings into a woman’s life.
Looking for Opportunities is Key
As stated above, women who are lost seem to be a very easy pickup, because its very easy to enter their lives and you have a foundation to build on. Once you help them with directions, you have established yourself as a friendly and helpful guy. Once that foundation has been established, you can quickly build a relationship by asking questions about themselves, and by telling them a bit about yourself. Looking for opportunities to enter women’s lives is a key aspect of picking up women. Is there a beautiful woman in your vicinity lost? Go and help her. This is a golden opportunity to meet a beautiful woman.
I remember one of my first pick ups after completing an online dating course involved an attractive Japanese woman. This woman was having problems getting in touch with her flat mate on her mobile phone outside an apartment building. I approached her and offered to help, and we got in a conversation about her apartment and flat mate. After this conversation, I asked her if she wanted to grab a coffee, and we ended up having a coffee and I got her phone number. This all happened through asking a pretty Asian about communication issues she was having with her flat mate. When you walk the city streets, you are looking for excuses; excuses to approach women and get into their lives.
Just recently I was on the train and a beautiful young woman fainted on the train. She collapsed on the floor on her way home from work due to the heat/humidity. When I saw this, I immediately rushed to her aid and helped her up and guided her to a seat, I also notified the train employees of the situation so they could call an ambulance. I also offered to give this young woman money, in case she needed to get a taxi home from the hospital (an ambulance was called to take her to the hospital). Thank God this precious young woman wasn’t severely hurt, she was just taken to the hospital for observation after a doctor examined her on the train. Throughout the ordeal and after the girl was seated, I made my presence available to the young woman, and I must say that it was genuine, because I was genuinely concerned about this young woman. Due to the circumstances, I wasn’t able to get her phone number, but I have seen this girl on the train before as she seems to live in my area. The next time I see her, I will definitely initiate conversation with her and attempt to get a phone number. Unless she has a long term boyfriend I’m sure my chances of success with her will be very high. These situations are not only an opportunity for you to do a good deed, but they are an opportunity for you to meet a potential lover. As Shakespeare wrote, “all the world is a stage, and we are merely players on that stage.” Look for an opportunity to play the role of a hero wherever you can. When you walk the city streets or are out and about, remember that an emergency can be the opportunity you have been looking for. You maybe thinking, “what a horrible guy taking advantage of women in bad situations.” I don’t see it that way at all. I was one of the few people who rushed to this girls aid and I genuinely wanted to help her. When I attempt to get her phone number in the future, even if she just wants to be friends or declines, then that is a victory for me also, because I have made an effort to become part of her life. She already sees me as a hero type figure so my chances are very good. I don’t really need to introduce myself, as I have already introduced myself through my actions and assistance.
Look out for women in distress. Is there a beautiful woman standing alone who looks lonely or unhappy in the city? Approach her and ask, “Hi, I just noticed you standing there and I was just wondering if everything was ok? I live in the area and if you need help with directions or anything else its cool.”
I’ve noticed a lot of beautiful women are coloring their hair with outrageous colors these days. I’ve seen hot girls who have pink and purple colored hair lately in the city; this is a great conversation starter, go and approach them and ask, “Hey, your hair looks pretty cool, I think that color is in fashion these days, I really like it, you look great with purple hair by the way, I really like your style.” From this point, you can start talking to her about fashion and other related things, and then close by saying, “I really enjoyed our conversation, maybe we could meet up for a coffee and continue to the conversation.” You could then try to close the conversation by asking for her phone number.
If you see a woman you recognize but have never met, go and approach her and find an excuse to initiate a conversation with her. Stop making up excuses for not approaching her, but start making up excuses to converse with her. I remember I saw a girl who worked at a coffee shop out shopping at a large shopping center with friends, I immediately approached her and asked, “Excuse me, do you work at Starbucks?” She replied, “yes”, and we got into a conversation about her shopping habits etc. It turned out this girl had a boyfriend so it didn’t turn into anything, but the important thing is that I approached her and it increased my confidence with women.
You may see a girl who works at McDonald’s walking down the street in her uniform and you might approach her and say, “excuse me, do you work at McDonald’s? Do they still serve big macs there? I was thinking of going there later on but I haven’t been there in a while.” After she discusses the situation with you, you might say, “thanks a lot, and you know something.. you have a really beautiful smile, can I ask your name?” Within a minute, a question about a ham burger has turned into a possible date. Be observant and look for an excuse to approach a woman.
If you see a beautiful woman standing in front of a shop, ask her if she works there even if she doesn’t. “Excuse me, do you work at that mobile phone shop? I thought maybe you worked there, because I know they hire models to promote some of their products, if you don’t mind me saying, you look very beautiful today. Can I ask your name? What brings you into the city today?”
Even a woman eating something is an excuse to approach her. “Excuse me, where did you get that ice cream from? I’m a big ice cream eater especially when its hot… Thanks so much for helping me out.. you have a beautiful smile by the way, can I ask your name?”
Use any and every excuse to approach women. The more you do this, the more confident you will become with women. If a woman even glances you, go and approach her and ask, “excuse me, I noticed you looked in my direction, have we met at one of the local bars before? You look very beautiful today” or “excuse me, I noticed you looked in my direction, are you lost or do you need my help? I live in the area, so I’m happy to help you if your lost or anything… you look very beautiful today by the way.. I like your outfit.”
Do Not Freeze Up
Freezing up has been a problem for me, and even if you manage to initiate a conversation with a woman, you could still be in a freeze state during the conversation. Freeze states occur when: you think too much, your nervous, your not confident and your unsure. Women are very perceptive and can read body language well. If they perceive your insecure and nervous the encounter will not go well. Often times when I freeze up, I don’t even initiate a conversation with a woman because I’m too insecure. Through my own research, I have discovered I am not the only guy who freezes up, there are many of us out there.
As stated, I have been involved in boxing a lot in my life, and to be a good boxer you need to be very relaxed in the ring. Your: footwork, body movement, punches and techniques need to be relaxed. If your a tense and robotic type boxer, you will not be very successful at all. If you look at a boxer named James Toney in the boxing ring, the guy looks as relaxed as can be. He is so relaxed in the ring, he looks like he is taking a shower or enjoying a sauna, instead of fighting in a world title fight in front of millions of people. Getting this relaxed in situations where the average person would be nervous requires practice and experience. James Toney is the most relaxed boxer in the boxing ring, because he practices fighting in the ring more than any other fighter out there. James Toney doesn’t even do bag or mit work, all he does is practice fighting in the ring with opponents. After you do the theory work and get advice from professional dating coaches, your going to have to implement what you’ve learned and get real practice. Your going to have to find women and engage in conversational combat with them. You should also have a desire to experience rejection, because it is rejections that are going to make you stronger. When you first start boxing, if you receive a few punches to the face for the first time, this really toughens you up and makes you confident that you can take a punch. Your only going to develop this confidence around women through practice. Approach as many women as you can wherever you are and just make conversation, and as you talk to more and more women on a consistent basis; confidence will begin to develop. Also remember that rejection is only going to improve your self-confidence, whether a woman embraces your approach or rejects it, your going to benefit from both. Know that if you approach a woman its a win/win situation. But if you fail to approach a woman it will be a failure.
A Rejection Is A Victory
If you get rejected this is not a failure, this is actually a victory. The only time you are a failure is if you don’t approach the woman. The more approaches you make and the more rejections you receive the stronger you will become. Rejection can wear you down, this is normal. But like having sore muscles after training at the gym, this pain period will get you stronger mentally and emotionally. Just like there’s no easy way to put on muscle mass, there’s no easy way to build confidence with women. The only way you will get confident with women is through getting a lot of rejection, and in order to get rejected you will have to approach. Success with women will accompany the rejection, but everyone gets rejected for some reason or another, and rejection is a part of the building process. I just came back from the city where I approached a number of women, and I must admit, it was a pretty bad day and I got a lot of rejections. It really wore me down, but I know in the long run its going to make me more confident with women. You have to practice getting punched in the face when your a boxer in order to be a successful one, and if you want to be confident with women, the more you get punched in the face by them (through rejection) the more confident you become with them. When you grow in confidence in this area, you will be able to approach the most beautiful and stuck up women out there. Once you grow in confidence through hundreds of: approaches, rejections and pick ups, if some beautiful and stuck up woman rejects you with harsh words, you will have the confidence to stand your ground and continue trying to become part of her life. Her rejection and belittlement of you will not cause you to crawl into a shell, but you will have witty rebuttals for her. Getting to this advanced level though requires a lot of hard work, to get to this point you will have to approach at least 100 beautiful women who intimidate you. Confidence only grows through experience.
One pick up artist I know approached a European model and asked for her name, and the woman replied, “why do you want my name?” whilst looking at him with a bad look. The pick up artist responded to the model, “that’s what polite people in society do.” The woman immediately stepped back and she felt like a bad mannered trashy woman with no class, as she was surprised to receive a classy rebuttal from this pick up artist; who seemed to be a classy gentleman of high social status. The confidence, no fear and class of this pick up artist put her off guard, and he ended up getting this models phone number and began dating her. These are the types of women who regularly walk all over men, and they can crush a man with one look or just a few words. A rejection from a woman like this can leave a man in depression for weeks. But when she conversed with this pick up artist, she realized she was dealing with a totally different creature. Women like this are used to controlling the: minds, hearts and bodies of men with relative ease. When a confident man who seems invincible to rejection or manipulation comes along, then they are curious about them and even gain respect toward them. Its in these moments that dates with these types of women are possible. But you can only get to this point through many regular approaches and rejections. Rejection is not your enemy, it is your friend and you need to grow familiar with it. Just like the boxer is familiar with punches coming at him, you too need to be familiar with what its like to be rejected by women. Trying to pick up women is almost like a combat sport, because you have to be on your toes and ready for anything.
Other pro pick up artists who I know use the boxing analogy, because boxing is so similar to picking up women from a psychological perspective.
What I have started to notice about my psychology after approaching a number of women and also getting rejected, is that I am developing a sub-conscious second nature reflex with women. As you approach beautiful women on a regular basis, it will become second nature. You will not even plan it out in your head, but you will feel an invisible force pull you toward a woman and you will just start speaking to her. This happens in boxing when you train with mits and bags, the punches just become second nature to you, and throwing complex punching combinations come as easy as walking. I remember Mike Tyson was talking about his training with boxing coach Kevin Rooney. Tyson said that Rooney would give Tyson a particular number, and that number would represent a complex punching combination (eg: two jabs, three uppercuts, two hooks, and a body punch). Once Rooney would yell out this number to Tyson during a fight, Tyson’s body would immediately and without hesitation throw those combinations with: precision, confidence, strength and ease. Tyson didn’t become a world class boxer through sitting on a sofa, he got to that level through: practice, practice, practice and practice.
Just like a boxer, the more you compete with women in the real world, the better you will become at picking them up. In the beginning you will be a frozen up thinker. A frozen up thinker looks at the beautiful woman and thinks too much, he thinks: “what will I say to her?,” “will she like me?”, “what is the best method to approach her?”, “should I approach her from the side or from the front?”, “will she think I’m a weirdo?” The frozen up thinker usually never approaches the woman. From a sports psychology perspective, this is the behavior of a novice boxer. A novice boxer will usually clam up in the boxing ring and get beaten up pretty badly against a pro. He will be extremely nervous and unsure of himself and will be unable to compete. The key is to not give up and to work hard. If you think your going to become a successful pick up artist by sitting on sofa it won’t happen. You need to regularly approach women and talk with them to become successful. This takes hard work and pushing through your comfort zone. Its not comfortable to approach a strange woman in the city and initiate a conversation, but your going to have to break through this initial barrier to continue growing. Its not comfortable to get rejected by beautiful women, but your going to have to force yourself to appreciate rejection in order to become a pro pick up artist.
Other Men Are Not The Enemy
After walking the city streets of Melbourne/Australia in search of women I noticed a guy walking around the city also. Whenever I saw this guy he was talking to a different beautiful woman. I noticed this guy would come into the city on his own and it was clear these women were strangers. I also saw the same guy out in the suburbs talking to beautiful women and he just caught my attention. I decided to approach this guy and I asked him about me constantly seeing him talking to beautiful women. He explained that men these days don’t have the confidence to talk to beautiful women and that its killing them. He explained how he regularly attempted to pick up beautiful women, and sometimes he was successful and other times they harshly rejected him. But this guy was positive and he gave me some great advice. What struck me about this guy was that he was positive about his rejections and his success with women, and I think if you want to be successful with women you need to be positive in all outcomes. Rejection with women will teach you the same as success with women, so you need to be positive about both outcomes. I must say, talking to that guy was really inspirational, and whenever I see him out and about, I am inspired to be more of a man and to approach more women. Be inspired by others and encourage other men.
No matter how bad you are with women you can get better with them. I was extremely bad with women, however after pushing myself and learning from the pick up community, I was able to meet beautiful women and get dates with them.
Remember that first impressions matter, and you want to dress: classy, successful, friendly, fashionable and positive. Your first introduction is what the woman observes even before you speak. Your appearance is your untold first line.
Appreciate rejection and know that its only going to make you stronger and more confident.
Talk to beautiful women no matter what the cost. Ask beautiful women: “whats the time?”, “do you know where a street is?”, “have you seen my pet dog?” Ask them anything and practice talking to them. You will only get confident talking to beautiful women by talking to them. When you initially get started in your personal development, you may not be ready to pick up women, but you will start by just asking them innocent questions, and then thanking them and wishing them well for the day. Take it slow and start with baby steps. Rome wasn’t built in a day.
Whatever happens; keep it positive. No matter how many times you get rejected, know that you are growing and developing as a pick up artist with every rejection. You are actually growing as a pick up artist when you are in the field trying to pick up women (even if your being rejected). The only time you are a failure is if you are standing on the corner doing nothing. You need to act and you need to approach. Beautiful women are not going to be delivered to you on a silver platter regardless of how handsome you are.
Take action, approach and initiate conversation.
Good luck and remember… NEVER GIVE UP!