When talking to women, you want to avoid being an interviewer. One word answer or yes/no answer questions, are going to make it come across as your interviewing her.
These types of interrogation scenarios are going to cause you to fail. You want to keep the conversation: inspiring, passionate, lively, unique and dynamic. You also want to make the girl talk for long periods of time. If your talking to a girl at a nightclub, chances are she’s spoken to five other guys beforehand (probably more if she’s hot), so if you want a chance with her, your going to have to stand out. If you start interviewing her with question after question, and you begin boring her, she’s going to make an excuse and leave, or she will just see you as another boring guy. If you want to impress a girl your going to have to create an impact and stand out. Your also going to have to: initiate, maintain and create an interesting conversation, with her being the main participant. This is not impossible. With careful planning and preparation it can be done.
Ask open ended questions
Open ended questions can inspire her to give you a story or personal testimony. This will work in your favor, because the more a girl talks to you about herself, the closer she feels to you. Open ended questions create deep and thoughtful dialogue, and your going to be able to relate to her on a deeper level.
Instead of asking her, “do you come here often? (a yes/no answer question)” You might ask her, “What are your thoughts on dating in Sydney (or whatever city you live in) these days?” She might respond with a personal testimony about good and bad dating experiences, and then you could make a follow up question/statement and say, “tell me a bit more about that.. that is really interesting… I never thought about it that way.”
Open ended questions inspire people to meditate and reflect before they answer them. In these situations, pauses actually become assets rather than liabilities. After you ask an open ended question about dating (as demonstrated above), the girl will begin to think deeply about it (creating a productive pause) before she gives a lengthy opinion/testimony. After a girl gives you a long answer to your open ended question, follow it up with questions which include the words, “why” and “how,” to keep her talking. When a girl starts talking to you, never stop her, just encourage her to keep talking when she pauses.
Most of the top pick up artists get girls to do most of the talking. Girls work on a disqualification basis, so you want to keep your input and personal descriptions as short as possible, to decrease the chance of disqualification. It only takes once wrong sentence to screw it all up, and I have made this mistake before.
Some Examples of Open Ended Questions are:
“What are your thoughts about dating in the city these days?”
If she is from another country, ask her, “what are 5 interesting things about living in your country?”
“What are your thoughts on sexuality in today’s society?”
“What is your opinion about men’s fashion these days? What sort of clothing do you like to see a guy wear? I’m going shopping for new clothes next week and wanted a girls opinion.”
“What are your thoughts about the nightclub scene these days?”
“What are your thoughts about the bar scene these days?” She may respond that it’s a bit sleazy. Then you could respond with more open ended questions, “Why? Can you elaborate? Tell me more?
“What are your thoughts about the rave/dance party scene these days?”
Open Ended Questions Related to Interesting Stories
One particular dating/PUA coaching organization teaches their students to utilize open ended questions that are related to interesting stories. These stories are usually relationship stories which women are very interested in. Usually this method involves asking a woman about her opinion in relation to a story. After a beautiful woman was interviewed about this approach on a well known TV show, she stated that it was a really good ice breaker, and that she had never been approached in that way before. This method has excellent feedback from women, as the women stated they always hear, “do you come here often?” or “your really beautiful.” But they were very impressed, when asked their opinion about an interesting story, because it was a unique approach. Think about an interesting story you or a friend experienced in the past, and ask a girls opinion about it.
Examples of Open Ended Questions related to Stories
“Excuse me, can ask your opinion on something? I heard a story recently about a girl who broke up with her boyfriend, because she didn’t like the clothes he wore, I was just wondering your opinion on this, you seem like an interesting girl.”
“Hey, can I ask your opinion on something? I was just reading in the newspaper this evening, how a puppy was rescued after being trapped under a house for 2 days. I was just curious about your opinion on this? I thought it was a pretty cool story myself.” (This was a big story in the newspaper recently).
You might be at a bar and you see a girl order a drink, and you might say, Can I ask your opinion on something? Do you think people drink too much these days? You can then tell her a comical and dramatic story, about someone you know who drinks a lot of alcohol and ask her opinion about it. “Last year at a work Christmas party, this girl who is like 21 got so drunk that she ended up French kissing my manager who is like 50. What are your thoughts about this?” She will probably reply, “oh my god, that is like crazy, and then she will give her opinion on the matter.” You might then ask her, “do you have any crazy stories about any friends who drink too much?”
Another opinion question related to a story, was shown on a well known TV show recently. On the TV show, a pick up artist coach shared an excellent open ended question. He would teach his students to approach a girl or group of girls and ask, “Can I get your opinion on something? My friend recently broke up with his girlfriend and they still have 3 months left on their lease, do you think it’s OK for them to bring other people home?” This would definitely create a mood of: interest, curiosity and even shock, and it would definitely get them talking. It is a great type of question to ask and good ice breaker.
Write down any dramatic stories you can think of about friends of yours or people you know. When you go out to a bar next, approach a girl and tell her about this story and get her opinion and thoughts on it.
“Can I ask your opinion about something? I was recently reading a female friends cosmopolitan magazine, and there was an article in there about a girl who broke up with her boyfriend because his penis was too big. Do all girls read these types of magazines? What is your opinion about that article?” This type of scenario would more than not make the girl laugh, because they do read these magazines (all the girls I went to school with did), and it would definitely be an interesting conversation. But this is a risky question, and it will either make or break you. One thing is for sure, you will definitely be perceived as unique and I’m sure she will laugh.
Before you go out and meet women, sit down with a pen and paper, and write down all the interesting relationship stories that you or your friends have experienced. When your out talking to a woman, tell her about some of these stories and ask her opinions about them.
“I have a friend called Joe, and some months ago he broke up with his girlfriend who he was living with. Now she wants the new boyfriend to live at her house where my friend has a joint lease. He cannot afford to move to a new apartment. Is it just me or do you think his ex-girlfriend is a bit of a bitch? You seem like an interesting girl, I was just wondering your opinion?”
As you can see, these open ended questions and asking for opinions, are far more effective than questions which require one word answers. You want to avoid one word answer questions like the plague.
Open ended questions create long answers of substance, and your going to understand more about her as she shares her opinions. Once you get her opinions on certain issues, you can respond with another open ended question, “I’m just curious, what led you to have that opinion?”
Be Inspiring and Passionate
When talking about yourself during the conversation, give her a: brief, inspiring and impactful testimony about who you are and what you do. But you want to keep mystique in the air, and you don’t want to give her too much information. However you want to be honest. Bullshitting won’t get you far and you can only bullshit for so long before your busted.
Even an Unemployed Guy can be Inspiring
Are you unemployed? I have been there also. But you can still come across as inspiring and impactful. If your unemployed, go and do some volunteer work. Maybe you do volunteer work for the Salvation Army three times per week. When your at a nightclub, you might meet a beautiful girl and she may ask, “what do you do?” You might respond, “I help people and make their dreams come true. I’m involved in a lot of charity work at the moment and I help orphans and disadvantaged families.” Imagine the response you would get from a woman after that statement, she might say, “wow, that is amazing.” Then you could follow this up with an open ended question, “what do you think about poverty in today’s modern society?” Before you know it your in a 30 minute conversation with a beautiful woman about social justice issues. If she is a college student, I would guess this conversation would go on for a long time with her doing most of the talking. You would just respond to her long statements about poverty in society with questions that include the words, “why” and “how.” This keeps her talking which is what you want.
But to be successful at this, you actually have to be a volunteer so you can have a conversation about charity work and volunteering. If your unemployed there’s plenty of charity work out there, you can work at a soup kitchen one hour per week or more. Being unemployed is not an excuse to not be inspiring, you can do plenty of inspiring things while your looking for a job. Improving yourself, even in just little ways (1 hour per week volunteering) is a large part of being successful with women.
Whoever You are You can Become Inspiring
Have you ever seen the TV show dirty jobs with Mike Rowe. He is a celebrity who works some of the dirtiest jobs in the world. He has worked all kinds of jobs which include working at: chicken factories, sewerage services, construction, cleaning and garbage collection. This guy is passionate about these jobs, and he often says that these are the workers who make our world go round. In fact the dirty jobs TV show made working class men very popular with women, and many working class guys said that because of the TV show; women pursued them. Be excited about who you are and be proud of who you are, you cannot get a beautiful woman excited about you if your not confident in who you are. Maybe your a construction worker, be passionate about who you are and say to a girl, “I build some of the most beautiful buildings in the city and help architects make their dreams come true.” I have seen some of the most gorgeous women dating construction workers. Sell yourself in an honest and passionate way. Never just state your occupation if she asks, describe what you do in a passionate and positive way, but keep it short and to the point.
You cannot love another person if you cannot love yourself. It’s going to be difficult for a beautiful woman to find you attractive, if you don’t think your attractive. Loving yourself is a key ingredient in conversing with women. Be passionate about who you are. Work to your strengths and focus on your strengths. If you have extra weight on you, focus on looking stylish with your clothing. You may be overweight, but you may have a great smile and perfect teeth. Focus on these positive points and smile throughout the conversation, make sure she sees your positive points. I have seen some extremely beautiful women with guys who are overweight, and a lot of these guys are not rich. But they do have really positive personalities and carry themselves with style.
If you are a depressed person, you are not ready for a conversation with a beautiful woman. If you are depressed about who you are, write down 10 positive points about who you are and concentrate on those strengths. If you can’t reach 10 positive points, make an effort to create more positives in your life. Maybe you might go and buy some new clothes (make yourself more stylish)? Maybe you might get your teeth whitened (improve that smile)? Maybe you might decide to start doing volunteer work? Adding more positive aspects about yourself, not only improves the perception you have of yourself (which gives you more confidence), but it also gives you more topics to build conversations upon with women. “I just purchased this new outfit from the Versace store in the city, you look like a really fashionable girl, whats your opinion about men’s fashion, can you give me any tips?” This is an open ended question that’s going to produce a really lengthy answer (which is what you want). Most women (if not all of them) read fashion magazines and often talk about fashion, so your going to find this is a topic she is passionate about and it will get her talking.
Be honest. Love who you are and be passionate about who you are. Your not trying to present someone else to this girl, there is only one you, that’s why it’s important to be honest about who you are. Present the positive aspects of who you are in a positive and passionate manner.
Never ask questions that result in one word answers. Make sure all your questions are open ended questions. Ask her opinion on topics and scenarios, and be interested in what she has to say.
Try to remain as confident and calm as you can throughout the conversation. You can remain confident and calm by preparing for the situation. You prepare by memorizing open ended questions to ask her, and by memorizing stories you can tell her. This preparation might occur the day before you go out to a nightclub with your friends. If you have questions and stories prepared, you are going to be less nervous, because you won’t freeze up when you have nothing to say. As Shakespeare says, “All the world’s a stage, and we are merely players on that stage.” If your a player who knows his lines, then you are going to perform better than the players who have no lines. If you know what your role is, your going to perform with confidence and focus. Reading and re-reading articles on this blog, will also help prepare you for when you talk to a girl at a nightclub or in public.
Read out loud the open ended questions in this article. You might read out loud one particular open ended question ten times, and then move to the next open ended question and read that out loud ten times also. These exercises will stop you from getting blank when you start talking to a woman. The more prepared you are in meeting a beautiful woman, the better you are going to perform.