Fear of approach is an issue that effects many men who want to attempt to pick up a girl in public. If you were in the same category I was in before I started to make progress, the idea of approaching a strange and beautiful women in public may terrify you. If you are afraid and have extreme anxiety about approaching beautiful women you are not alone. Many men, including myself, have to deal with this issue. There are two things you can do about this, you can accept it and remain the same, or you can make a decision and work hard to make a change.
How Can You Combat Approach Anxiety?
Everyone has some form of approach anxiety. Even top pick up artists admit that its something they have had to deal with. One pro pick up artist I listened to recently, explained that if he takes a break from picking up women (this may happen if he gets into a long term monogamous relationship), the approach anxiety comes back and he has to get rid of it. How does he get rid of it? He stated that he has to warm up by approaching them, before he can get comfortable with picking them up. It takes him a while of approaching them, to get back the confidence he had previously had. He can’t just get back into the zone (A term sports people use when describing a focused state of mind, where your skills and mindset flow with precision to dominate your chosen sport), he has to reconfigure himself and get back into practice to get to his former state.
As a person who has been desperate to overcome his approach anxiety with women, I have listened to the best pick up artists out there, and tested out their advice in the real world. A number of top pick up artists (some who have picked up hundreds of women) seem to use the same methods to conquer approach anxiety. These methods do seem to work.
You Need To Train and Prepare Yourself First
No boxer steps into a boxing ring without going through some type of training. The pick up and dating scene can be more devastating than a boxing match, so if you go into it unprepared, your destined for failure. Read some of the articles on this blog (particularly my testimony and guide), and this will give you a foundation to build upon. These articles will give you opening lines and help you understand the basic psychology of meeting women. My blog talks about rejections and successes, and if your prepared for every scenario, nothing will take you by surprise. Knowing what to expect is a part of conquering approach anxiety. To be forewarned is to be forearmed.
In addition to my articles, read up on pro pick up artists and get advice from them. These pro pick up artists offer free advice on youtube. Find a pick up artist with a proven track record who has a lot of experience with women, and devour all the free information he has available on the internet. If you can afford to do a paid online/in-person course, this can also be very valuable. But even if you can’t afford to do a paid course, you can still find equally benefiting information online for free.
Once you have done the theory and study, it’s time to warm yourself up before you go into the field. The below warm up technique is used by a number of pro pick up artists all over the world and it does work. I have used this technique with successful results.
Approach a number of strangers in public (lets say 15). These people could be: men, women, elderly people or families.
Step 1: Ask five strangers for directions
The first five people you approach ask, “Do you know where Starbucks coffee shop is?”
Step 2: Ask five strangers for directions and give them a compliment
The second set of five people you approach ask, “Do you know where Starbucks coffee shop is?” and after they respond, give them a compliment like, “thanks so much, you look beautiful in that dress” or “thanks so much.. you have a great family” or “thanks so much.. you have a really cool bike by the way.”
Step 3: Ask five strangers for directions, give them a compliment and introduce yourself.
Approach the third set of five people and ask, “Do you know where Starbucks coffee shop is?” and after they respond, give them a compliment like, “thanks so much, you look beautiful in that dress” or “cool leather jacket” if its an old man or something. Then introduce yourself by saying, “My name is John, I’m new to the area, thanks so much for helping.”
Once you have completed the above exercises and approached 15 people, a lot of your approach anxiety will have been depleted. Just to be clear, do not attempt to pick up any of those 15 people if beautiful women are included. You are following the scripts to warm yourself up and to brush off approach anxiety. These are warm up exercises and nothing else. You might include 5 or 6 beautiful women in the 15 people you approach to mix it up.
Go and Pick Up Some Beautiful Women
After you have completed these exercises and gone through some training, you are now ready to attempt to pick up beautiful women.
You want to approach them confidently using a similar script used in the warm up exercises, however after introducing yourself, you may want to continue the conversation, and attempt to close the deal by getting her phone number.
Approach a beautiful woman in a shopping center.
“Excuse me, do you know where Starbucks is?”
“Thanks so much, you know, you have a really beautiful smile, can I ask your name?”
“My name is John by the way, I work as a business consultant here in the city, and I really enjoy making peoples dreams come true and helping people (be passionate about who you are, and don’t just name your occupation). I would really enjoy getting to know you more, maybe I could take you out for a coffee sometime? Could I have your phone number?” (always attempt to close the deal by getting contact information).
Always speak slowly (this is confirmed by multiple pro pick up artists who have slept with hundreds of women). If you talk too fast, you will come across as jittery and nervous. Slow your speech down to 50% of the speed you think you should speak at.
Make eye contact but don’t constantly stare. Look her in the eyes when you speak, but also look around in the environment from time to time, otherwise you might freak her out if you just stare (Don’t make her feel like she is targeted prey, you want the situation to seem natural and organic).
Always end the conversation by attempting to get contact details. Your goal with every approach is to get the woman’s contact details. Without contact details it is a waste of time. You cannot develop a relationship or sleep with a woman if you don’t have her contact details.
Before you attempt to pick up beautiful women, do the exercises and approach 15 different people (men and women) and use the various scripts when approaching them. This will strengthen and develop social skills within you.
If she objects to your advances or outright rejects you, know that this happens to the best of men out there. Be prepared to be rejected. I am not going to tell you about how to overcome objections with women yet. If you are reading this article about conquering approach anxiety, you are not at the level of being able to overcome objections yet. Overcoming a woman’s objections is a completely different dimension. Right now, you are just trying to conquer your approach anxiety. If a woman objects to your advances, wish her all the best for the day and move on. At this point, you are just trying to become a somewhat confident beginner pick up artist. You don’t want to try and move forward too quickly, especially if you have approach anxiety. You need to learn to crawl before you can walk, and you need to learn to jump before you can fly. This is a process. Overcoming a beautiful woman’s objections to your approach is an intermediate level skill. This article is for beginners who simply want to overcome approach anxiety and get started.
Other Warm Up Exercises
Another exercise a well known pick up artist uses to warm up, is saying hello to a person (men and women) on the street every 30 seconds (maybe for a 5 minute period). This strengthens his social skills and prepares him to meet beautiful women in public.
All the best guys.